Harry Potter and The Chamber Pot of Secrets
by Fairydust420
Summary: Harry and the others go to their fifth year at Hogwarts. they meet many diverse new people along the way. (drug content )
1. Hmmm...

It would be Harry's 5th year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Already he had faught Lord Voldemort four times. So he didn't even want to think about what could happen this year. He still mourned over the death of Cedric Diggory. Right before his death he and Harry had become friends. Brought together by the Triwizard tournaments which Harry had gotten in to with the help of a certain bad guy. 

"Harry" Hermione Granger, one of Harry's best friends, shouted "Stop daydreaming. We should almost be there." "Yes," Harry said wearily. "I can't wait to see the new kids in Gryffindor," said Ron sarcastically. 

"Potter!" Harry jumped it was the unmistakable voice of Draco Malfoy. Harry and Draco had never been friends, and were in constant compition. "What Malfoy?" shouted Harry. "What is the matter with you Potter, you sound a little grumpy? You should be happy, I've come to make a peace offering." "Peace offering?" "Ya, you know an offering of peace." " I know that, but why? What's the trick this time Malfoy?" "Oh, no trick. I've just thought it would be nice to bring you some of the _special herbs_ I got from Diagon Alley just last week." "How do we use them?" Ron chimed in. "That is simple" said Draco "Just put a bit in the palm of your hand and sniff." "Wow that sounds wonderful" said Harry. "Draco!" Shouted Crabbe and Goyle from outside of the compartment. "I'm coming." said Draco to the two. "Well bye guys. See you at Hogwarts." 

"Harry do you really believe Draco?" "Of course I do. Anyway what harm could come from sniffing a few harmless herbs?" "Harry Potter! How dare you say that. You've lived in the muggle world. Haven't you ever heard of drugs and how bad they are?" "Yes, but Draco wouldn't give us drugs." "Well, I guess your right." "Would somebody just hurry up and try them!" said Ron impatiently. "Okay, I'll go first" said Harry. "Then you Ron then you Hermione. He put some in the palm of his hand and sniffed then Ron, and finally Hermione. "My nose feels funny" said Hermione. "Mine too" added Harry. "I like it!" said Ron hyperly. 

Twenty minutes later... Harry is hanging form a bar on the ceiling by one leg counting the hairs on his head. His glasses barley slipping off the end of his nose. Ron is sitting in a corner under a blanket having a conversation with himself no one else could understand. Hermione is racing around the compartment sing _Cuz I Got High _by Afro man. 

"What in the Hell is going on in here?" Yelled Fred and George as they busted into the compartment. "Oh nothing" said Ron from under the blanket. "Oh nothing my bum! We could hear you from our compartment on the other end of the train!" Said George. "Oh no you couldn't" said Hermione. Still racing around the compartment. "Would you stop singing that wicked song!" said Fred and George. "What is wrong with you three?" "There nothing wrong with us" said Harry, stopping his counting. "What is this package on the floor?" Fred picked it up. "It's just some special herbs" "Draco gave us" Ron interrupted. "Malfoy? You three accepted something from Draco Always Bad Tempered Malfoy?" Said George. "He's not always bad tempered!" Said Hermione. "Ya, he was quite jolly" said Ron. "Well no matter how jolly he was you shouldn't have excepted them. You didn't use them did you?" "Oh, no" said Harry "we would never do that." Ron smirked form under the blanket, and Hermione slurred the chorus trying to stop her self from giggling. "Okay, well we'll go back to our compartment. But Keep It Down". 


	2. I dunno

This is chapter 2. I just want to make a note that. Many of the characters and places in my story are from J.K Rowling, but many I have made up myself. You will find that out later as I type the chapters I have currently written. Please review this even if what you have to say is bad. Thank you. 

Chapter 2: 

Later at Hogwarts in the Great Hall. Harry couldn't help, but be amazed by the enchanted ceiling though the many times he has been seated under it's magical glow at night. Sorting had just begun, and Ron actually was anxious to se who would be in Gryffindor. "Winston Creevy, Winston Creevy!" Called Professor McGonagall. "Not another Creevy" groaned Fred as a small boy looking exactly like Colin and Dennis Creevy sulked up to the Sorting Hat. "Gryffindor" shouted the Sorting Hat almost as soon as he put it on his irregularly small head. Only two people from the Gryffindor Table cheered, Colin and his younger brother Dennis. Winston okwardly ran to the two brothers, and sat in the empty seat beside Colin. If Harry wasn't so fascinated my the ceiling he may have worried about the fact that he may have yet another Freaky Creevy Follower. 

A few names later Professor McGonagall called a rather strange name "Grayson Fairyman, Grayson Fairyman!" Draco nearly fell out of his chair with laughter as a very queer, make that fruity looking boy wearing purple robes strolled up to the Sorting Hat. He sat down and crossed his legs feminely. That was it! Draco tipped right out of his chair, and brought Crabbe and Goyle crashing down with him. Grayson sat there for what seemed like a life time with an odd smirk on his face. Until finally "Gryffindor" shouted the Sorting Hat. If Fred wasn't mistaken he had heard a giggle come from the Great Sorting Hat itself. Grayson laughed this high pitched laugh, and walked over to the Gryffindor Table. He sat beside Winston who starred at him for a long while. Then moved he eyebrows up and down at Grayson. Again Grayson did that high pitched laugh. 

"George" Fred whispered to his brother "we have only here 45 minutes, and already we have a love connection!" He pointed to Grayson and Winston. "Pixiedust, or Flowerpower whatever his last name is." "Fairyman" Fred interrupted." "Right, Fairyman and Creevy? In love? Sick!" "Englebert Humperdicnk, Englebert Humperdinck" called Professor McGonagall. Ron giggled "Humperdinck, Humperdinck" he shouted! Dumbledore looked at him disapprovingly. A minute later a very savage looking boy walked up to the Sorting Hat. He sat down loudly. He threw the Sorting Hat on as if it were embarrassing to do such a thing. After quite an average wait the Sorting Hat yelled "Hufflepuff!" "Damit" he hissed under his breathe as he tossed the Sorting Hat so hard it fell to the floor. Professor McGonagall had to pick it up. "May the rest of you put it down a bit more nicely. It is old you know." " Like your yourself" came a voice from the Hufflepuff Table. Professor McGonagall looked away hurt, and continued to call names. 

After sorting was everyones' favorite part of the evening. To the first years it was a surprise when the empty plates filled before their eyes. "Fantabulus! It's ribs!" Shouted Grayson as he saw his favorite food appear. "Mmm" moaned Winston as he ate a carrot slowly while looking at Grayson. Grayson's face went red as he blushed. "Gggrrr" Winston whispered to Grayson " I hope we are in the same dormitory." "Oh, we will be" said Grayson. "They are going to make me sick this year" George said to Lee Jordan and Fred. "I can't believe what they are doing at the table while straight people are trying to eat!" "Ya, if they do that kind of stuff at the table there is no telling what we will be hearing for their dormitory tonight" commented Lee Jordan. "Ugh! Thank you very much for engraving that horrific image into my mind forever Lee" said George. "Really!" Said Fred "How will I ever get to sleep at night with the thought of an irregularly small headed boy on top of another seriously feminine boy?" "Oh sorry guys" laughed Lee Jordan. 

"I like your roast beef" said a rather strange voice next to Fred. "Give me back my arm Kyle!" Said a similar but girlier voice. Fred and George looked over, and what a strange sight they saw. One boy looking identical to the other was holding the others and biting it while saying "I like your roast beef." Fred and George sat there amazed. Up until now they had been the only twins in all of Hogwarts. "Excuse me" said George "are you two twins?" "Of course we are" said the one getting his arm bitten. "Wow" said Fred " now we aren't the only twins here." "You guys are twins?" Said the one biting the others arm. "I thought you were just cloned to be in add campaigns for Mean Mr. Mustard." "How funny" said George. "So... Wots your names?" I'm Seth Lowfat" said the one getting his arm bitten. "And I'm Kyle Lowfat" said the other. "Lowfat is that your real last name?" "Yes, why wouldn't it be? It's not like it's Lohman or anything." Said Seth. "Sorry I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't" "well we are Fred and George Weasley." "It's going to be hard to tell you two apart" said Seth. "Oh no it's quite easy. I'm the handsome one, and he's just the smelly one" said George. "Am not!" "Are too!" By this time Lee was in on the conversation "So where are you guys from?" he asked. "Dublin, India. I mean Ireland!" he answered. "Wow really I've always wanted to go there. Tell me about wot it's like." "Well we ride camels into town with our shawls and green turbans." Kyle was interrupted my Seth's elbow in his stomach. "Stop lying thats not wot it's like in Ireland." 

Great laughter came form the other end of the long Gryfindor table where Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat. "Oh no those three are at it again." "Wot is with them today?" asked Fred. "I don't know they were perfectly normal if you could call it that this morning, and on the ride to the train station." answered George "Maybe they had a bit too many sugar coated chocolate fizz boom exploding ring worms. You know that gallon of candy the lugged the whole time we were shopping at Diagon Alley last week." "Your probably right." "I'm always right" said Fred. 

"First day of classes" groaned Harry as he and Ron looked down at there new class schedules. "Why do we have to have to start out the day with a big dose of double potions?" Asked Ron. "You know what that means? A big bowl of Snapeos, the breakfast of losers, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday!" said Harry. 

"Draco!" Whispered Crabbe "when is it going to happen?" "I told you a million times... Tonight!" Draco answered annoyed. "Now stop asking me!" 

"Fred, George" called the Lowfats "wait up. We were wondering could you give us directions to Defense against the Dark Arts?" "Yes, sure. Take a right then a left then go up two long flights of stairs then take three lefts then one right". Answered George. "Errr... Thanks" said Kyle. "Oh, and we were also wondering. Well... You guys are good at pranks and stuff like that aren't you?" "Yes, very, very good!" "Well... Could you teach us some things you know kind of be our mentors?" "Wow! We have never been asked that before. Now have we Fred? Sure why not?" said George. "Really? Thank you so much. You guys are so great!" Kyle and Seth ran off in the opposite direction Fred had instructed them to go. "Well they will be late for class" said Fred. "Isn't it amazing how they all look up to us?" he asked George. "By they all do you mean just those two first years Kyle and Seth?" "Yes." "Then yes it is very amazing indeed." 

"This children will be your fifth year of potions. I expect you all know the basics that we have been learning." Some students nodded their heads as if answering Snape. "So then let us start off the year with a pop quiz on everything you have learned or for some of you should have learned last year. It will be thirty percent of your final marks before Christmas Holiday. Tables cleared. Everyone make sure you have your fingers prepared to write. Begin!" Ron gasped it had one thousand questions! Minutes later harry looked over at Hermione. She was on question five hundred. He was stuck on question two hundred-fifty. As for Ron he was still on question one hundred-one. Two hours passed quickly for some, but rather slowly for others. "Time" shouted Snape. "Put your quills down and if I see one feather from one quill, you all will fail. Sudden shock crept on everyone's face, even the Slytherin students looked scared. Everyone dropped their quills. 

"I can't believe Snape!" Growled an enraged Ron. "How could he make that stupid thing 1,000 questions?" "Serves you right for not paying attention last year" said Hermione in a matter o' factly tone. "Don't tell me you like what he did Hermione" asked Harry. "Why not? He had every right to" "do you realize if I fail this year what kind of howler my mother will send?" "Ouch" said Hermione. "So wot's next?" asked Ron curiously. "Err... Defense against the dark arts. Wonder who it is this year." 

"Hello students I'm Mr. Eckwall. You can call me "Mr. E" get it? It is a play on words like mystery. "The class laughed a fake laugh at the dull joke. "Something you may want to know about me is that I used to be a quidditch coach. "So can we call you "Coach E" asked Crabbe. "No you cannot I'm not stupid like all of you children are. Now does any one of you know what we will be learning this year?" as always Hermione raised her hand. "Yes, you." "Hermione Granger sir, and if I read the schedule correctly. We should be learning about the Salem witch trials in Massachusetts." "How informative, but no you are wrong very, very wrong. You all have no idea what I'm talking about not a single one of you! I'm the only one here that understands simple concepts. Use the common sense you were born with." "Jerk" sneezed a Slytherin. "Excuse me. Did someone call me a jerk? Don't try to fool me I'm the smartest man in the world. Nobody can fool me. Now what we are learning about is the Salem Witch trials in Massachusetts, USA. 

After an hour of abuse the class was finely over. "I can't believe he said that to me" yelled Hermione at the Gryffindor table. "He is such a Jerk. He said the same exact thing you said!" said Ron. 

While everyone else was eating in the Great Hall. Draco, Goyle, and Crabbe had different things to. "This way" whispered Draco. "Stop it's right here." They stopped in front of a bowl of fruit. Goyle reached up and tickled a peach. It giggled and opened into the titanic kitchen. There were house elves scurrying about all over. "Master Draco" croaked Dobby as he ran to his former owner. "Dobby could you do me and my friends a little favor?" asked Draco. "Oh yes. Dobby will do anything for Master Draco. "Thank you Dobby. See this bag of herbs. There is a bit of the flu going around, and if you could put some in the everyone's pumpkin juice every night with the exception of the teachers, and Dumbledore. I will give you a special treat." Dobby's eyes were as big as basketballs. "Yes sir Dobby will do." "I will be back next week to give you more. Okay Dobby." "Yes Master." Goyle laughed as they walked down the corridors to the Great Hall. "I can't wait until tonight." said Goyle. "But what will we do. Never drink?" "I've figured out a simple charm for removing the herbs from our juice. Don't worry." "You are so smart Draco!" "I know!" he replied. 


	3. ???

Chap. 3 

"Margarita!" shouted Kyle Lowfat as he and Seth played ring around the rosy on one of the Gryffindor common room tables. After about an hour they tired of this now they were back on the floor. Once again Ron was in a corner under a blanket having the same conversation with himself that know one else could understand. Hermione and Harry were doing flips over the tables almost hitting a chandelier above the largest table. All of a sudden Kyle and Seth jumped on the nearest table, and started doing a booty dance right in front of Katelyn and Alyssa, two very weird first year friends who thought the twins were kind of cute. Katyeln blushed, but with the special herbs in her system she was as high as a chihuahua on catnip. She started singing at the top of her lungs "I gotta booty in my face!" "hey ho" Alyssa chimed in. "Booty in my face!" "hey ho" "I like that booty in my face!" "Booty! Booty! Booty!" they both sang together. Kyle stopped the song startled him. "What are you doing behind our booties? Did I give you permission to sit where we were shaking our booties? No, we did not! Please go away and leave our booties alone." "Fine!" Alyssa and Katelyn shouted "but we will be back, and when we are we will be right behind you!" added Katelyn. 

Wot is wrong with everyone" George asked Fred. "I don't know it's like they are all high or something. You don't think Malfoy had anything to do with it do you?" "Malfoy? Nah wot do you think he started a drug epidemic in Hogwarts." George said sarcastically. 

At two in the morning in the Gryffindor common room everyone was up with the exception of Fred and George who were fast asleep. 

The next few mornings at breakfast were crazy especially the fifth morning. "What in heavens is wrong with these children?" Asked Madam Pomfrey whispered to Professor McGonagall. "I have no idea. The only two acting normal are the Weasley twins. Actually they are acting more calm than usual it's quite strange." 

For some strange reason Moaning Myrtle drifted into the Great Hall. "Are you the one challenging me to a wet tee contest?" she asked Draco. "Yep guilty as charged. Lets start it now. I'll have my beautiful assistant Goyle do the water charm." "Expronos rainos" Goyle shouted as he pointed his wand at Draco and Moaning Myrtle. They were both instantly soaked. Draco started break dancing in the middle of the Slytherin table. He stood up covered in food, and dripping with water. Even Moaning Myrtle was amazed. "You got me kid." she said "I would kill myself trying to do those kind of moves." she added. A single tear fell from her eye that one tear was the key that opened the door to a lake. By the time she made it to the door everyone was wet. "Sorry" she sobbed in between her sorrowful moans. 

"What are we going to do now?" Fred asked George. "We've got ten minutes to get to class, and it will take us that long just to walk to out room!" "I was paying attention in charms yesterday, and learned this great drying charm." "Go ahead George use it." "Err... Oh yes. Rapido dryo." he shouted. Magically their clothes dried before their eyes. "Nice charm!" said Fred. "Wait did you say you were paying attention in charms?" he asked amazed. A look of shock and bewilderment came across George's face. "I... I... How? Why?" He stuttered. He couldn't express how ashamed he was. "George I think there is something wrong with both of us not just you. I well I actually paid attention during potions." he confessed. "Think of our reputation." Said George "all of that work not doing anything for nothing!" "George don't jump too far ahead of your self. The way everyone has been acting lately they were too wrapped up in staring mindlessly out of windows to notice us paying attention." "Your right, and maybe it was just a one time thing you know a fluke." Fred smiled weakly he knew deep down inside it was not just a one time thing. He had been paying attention ever since the first day of classes. He prayed George couldn't read the guilty message engraved on his forehead. 'Well we better be getting to class." he said. This was very difficult, because he had a huge lump in his throat, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get it down. 

"Pay attention" growled angered Snape to his mindless seventh years. I have no idea why all of you dirty ingrates are starring out of the windows, but mark my words I will be watching all of your every moves. With the exception of the Weasley twins they have some how earned highest marks on everything even higher than that mudblood Miss Granger. "Why Snape sir you mustn't go as far as to call her a mudblood it is quite rude? George piped up. 'Mr. Weasley I think that is the most intelligent thing I have ever heard you say, but the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life! If you would use the intelligence you seem to have acquired over the summer holiday on topics that were actually of importance to wizarding world, and not meddle with mudbloods and muggles you would be much better off. And someone I would actually want to engage in a conversation with." "But, Snape sir we like mudbloods, and muggles really aren't all that bad." said Fred. "Out! Out! Out right now!" screamed Snaped infuriated. 

"Wot was with Snape today?" Asked Fred. "I don't know maybe there wasn't enough sugar in his Crunchy Bunchy Octopus O's." Answered George. "That is it. I have been cranky when I didn't get enough sugar in my Crunchy Bunchy Octopus O's before too. So I can understand his disposition." said Fred. "Well maybe he will have enough tomorrow... I hope so anyway." 

"Hello guys" said Kyle Lowfat. "What is up?" Seth yelled into Fred's right ear rather dorkily. "Nothing" answered Fred. "Where have you to been lately we haven't seen you since Tuesday." said George. "Oh we've been here could you guys tell us a good pranking charm?" asked Seth. "Pranks are wrong and very child- like" said George "and we will have to part of suck childish tactics." "Wot is wrong with you two?" asked Kyle "I thought you guys were pranksters." "Us!?!?" asked Fred astonished by the accusation. "Well I never!" mumbled George as he and Fred stormed down the corridor talking in disapproving murmurs. 

"Harry look" Ron pointed at a notice posted by the entrance of the Great Hall. "Yes!" Yelled Harry. It stated that there would be a big quidditch match on Monday. Harry ran down the corridor, and turned the corner, this surprised Ron. "Harry wot did you do that fro?" he asked him as harry returned minutes later. "I almost wet my pants in anticipation." 

That was the 3 chap. Hope everyone liked it. it introduced me and me friend katelyn in to the story. In the next chap. You will learn more about us and why Harry thinks we are very strange. In mentioning my friend she also has a story on here she would be thankful if you would also read hers. I think she would any way. Her pen name is Rivendell the story is Lost innocence. A thousand thanks go to everyone who review this. Keep in mind that J.K Rowling owns most of the characters in my story but I have also made up many myself with the help of daily activities:) 


	4. reminder

Hey people I should have the next chapter up soon. I haven't written in a while, but I've been busy with school and other unimportant things like that. 


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